Week 1 Wrap-up

Well, week 1 of Furtherdad special daycare is complete, and I am on the verge of a new week. It is Sunday night and Teague is sleeping after a busy day with Mom and Dad. We went out in the morning to watch local triathletes, pushing our jog-stroller in a brisk family trot, and I have to confess that when passing by reflective glass (I can't help but gaze at myself) I'm totally embarrassed by how my gut has returned over the last few months. Perhaps it is because, not only do I continue to eat 3 squares a day, but I also finish whatever Master Teague doesn't eat. That is, I eat whatever has not been cast overboard from the highchair down to Mumi the scavenger hound, which is quite a bit of his food. I think that both the dog and I are gaining weight.

Also, this afternoon we went to a local orthodox church festival, ate awesome fried food and ethnic deserts, and listened to tales of weeping Catholic icons, as we were surrounded by devout adherents bowing and kissing the images. I'm kind of agnostic myself, but I try never to engage in any conversation about metaphysical religious experiences, because, as an agnostic, I mean, you are basically saying, "We just don't know". So, anyway, it was fun and Teague enjoyed pointing at all the gold-inlaid decorations, and the glittering iconography. We left full of greasy ethnic food and fond feelings for their devotions and friendly attention.

So, what do I feel about my first week staying at home? I've been asked this question often this week by family and friends, and not sure what they are expecting me to say. That I found it stressful and difficult? Emotionally and physically draining? Mentally exhausting? No...actually I had fun and enjoyed it immensely. I left a job that required 10-12 hours a day of constant, intense, mental challenge. My computer consulting job required the juggling of multiple parallel tasks, constant communication across continents and cultures, and nearly non-stop tasks to get the work done. Taking care of Teague feels relaxing and stress-free so far.

You might have the following picture of the new stay at home dad: Never gets out of boxer shorts all day. He sits on the couch watching Judge Judy or Heraldo while feeding the baby Cheetos. Drinks beer at noon and fails to shave or shower. Partner arrives home at end of the day to discover baby playing with razor sharp Wusthoff knife set, stove on fire, sink overflowing, soiled diapers scattered about...

Before starting to take care of Teague last Monday morning, I talked seriously to Mira about the future. She has been reading a NYT magazine article about "equal parenting", with anecdotes about how some couples keep spreadsheets to ensure equal adherence to tasks, and stuff like that. But what we discussed is that in my opinion equality only applies to us when we are both home and not "working". I think of my day with Teague as 8 (or more) hours of my pure domestic responsibility, and I'm not at all happy to be lazy or unoccupied, as some might imagine a new dad at home might be. So, I plan out all the meals I'm going to cook for the week, think about tasks I can accomplish when Teague is sleeping, find ways to integrate the little guy into cleaning or organizing, all of this and at the same time trying to find some fun outings for us, do errands, go running, etc. I find myself VERY busy, but in a fun way.

Week 1, my wife Mira has arrived home from work each day, and she has seemed somewhat annoyed (amusingly annoyed, let's say) wondering aloud to me every day how I could have managed to keep the house clean, cook dinner, feed Teague, walk Mumi, organize the closet, water the plants, go running, go to the bank, vacuum the downstairs, etc. She keeps saying, "You're making me look bad! It just doen't seem that hard when you've got 8 or 10 hours in a day and if you treat all of those hours as potentially productive. I mean, after the rigors of consulting project work and the demands of a team lead position, this feels kind of easy. As a result, Mira wants to do more on the weekends because I am taking care of the house and Teague all day, but this is bogus in my mind. She and I need to be EQUAL parents ONLY when we are both not working. Mira overcompensates on the weekends, but I wish she wouldn't. Why should she? She's earning all of our money now!!!

So, here we go into week 2. I've got my grocery list for the week. Come along...